By Sissi Aguila
Family roles have changed substantially since the 1950s. Mom now works outside the home. And dad is expected to be more involved in raising the kids. But as parental roles and responsibilities become less defined, psychologists question: Are there essential characteristics of fathering versus mothering?
FIU’s Fatherhood Lab explores these issues and Psychology Professor Gordon Finley, who runs the lab, focuses specifically on how divorce impacts fathers and the development of their children. Finley has found that a father’s role is unique and far too often neglected by the family court system.
Using questionnaires and a retrospective technique in which he asked 1,989 young adults to think back on their relationship with their fathers, Finley found that children of divorce really miss their fathers. According to Finley, they are denied a relationship with them because of present-day family law and court practices.
“Divorce marginalizes or severs a father’s relationship with his child,” he says. “In reality, the father becomes a visitor in his or her life. He is no longer a father in the very literal sense.”
Risky behaviors
For decades, researchers focused on motherhood when studying parenting. Today more attention is being paid to fathers, and the data is consistently showing that fathers are vital to raising happy, healthy and successful children. “They contribute more than bringing home the bacon,” Finley says.
The statistics are alarming: children from fatherless homes account for 63 percent of youth suicides, 85 percent of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders and 71 percent of all high school dropouts. And 37 percent of fathers have no access or visitation rights to their children.
Finley’s research indicates that fathers are more effective at attenuating high-risk behaviors such as sex, drugs and other criminal activities. These behaviors also involve high social costs.
Yet Finley says that his findings on fatherhood do not match today’s social reality or family policy. In divorce cases, the father rarely gets custody (only in about 15 percent of cases) and shared parenting is not equal. Fathers usually see their children only once a week and two weekends a month.
A girl needs her dad
Finley’s findings also suggest that parent-children relationships are not as much about identification or imitation, as once thought, but about transaction. The way a girl learns to become a woman is through her interaction with her father. That will determine how she will relate to men in her adult life.
His study concluded that girls experience a greater impact by divorce than boys.
“The real cost is actually to the daughters of divorce. They don’t have relationships with their fathers. So when they enter adolescence and start questioning whether to have sex, they don’t have a realistic idea of what men are like.”
When evaluating the consequences of divorce for children, balance is critical, says Finley. Society has a vested interest in balance.
Informing social policy
The take-home message, according to Finley, is simple: “Fathers matter. Children need their fathers and, as it turns out, fathers need their children,” he says.
Divorced fathers are eight to 10 times more likely to commit suicide than divorced mothers. They also are higher on most indices of personal and social distress than divorced mothers.
Social policy, Finley argues, needs to catch up to the research: “Family law should be based on social science research – not ideology.”
Finley is a frequent contributor to journals that influence public policy. His study, “Father Involvement and Long Term Young Adult Outcomes: The Differential Contributions of Divorce and Gender,” was published by Family Court Review, an interdisciplinary communication forum for judges, attorney, mediators and professionals in the mental health and human services.
Earlier this year, Finley’s work provided the background for an article on divorced fathers and their adult offspring written for the American Bar Association’s Family Law Journal by Judith Wallerstein. She is a leading psychologist and researcher who conducted a 25-year study on the effects of divorce on the children involved. Wallerstein has had considerable influence on the California court system.
Says Finley, “Today my goals are to continue research but also to shift the foundation of family policy from outdated ideology to current social science through increased public and governmental awareness.”
A vital need to communicate in the fight against judicial corruption,based on immunity,the net is the way.
JHVMD
After reading this I finally feel like some one understands exactly how I feel. When first divorced three years ago My ex-wife had custody and I went from a full time dad to a weekend dad. My kids struggle very much, especially my current 12 year old son. The first three years living with his mother he struggled through school and had very bad grades F's D's, and Suspended several times. By the third year which was the fourth grade he was suspended eleven times and was held back because of grades. Finally We agreed for me to have custody of my son and it has been a complete turn around he only got in trouble once for putting ink on the carpet which was minor but he ended up with all B's and this year he had seven b's and one C. He is so happy now and is doing so well. I just wish the courts would be more fair and less corrupt because it didn't help that my ex-father-in-law was a sherriff and had pull in the system.
Dr. Finley has done some great work here, which needs to be addressed with appropriate changes to our social policy. Repealing or reforming no-fault divorce laws would be a good start. More university campuses should have labs researching these sorts of issues, for the benefit of children who need a mother and a father.
Thank you for the attention and research on what some describe as the greatest contemporary social crisis of our country; divorce and children.
Though an engineer (not a scholar, attorney, psychologist, etc.), my personal experience – coupled with intense reading – is that the courts (family, civil, and criminal…) do not represent represent the "best interest of the children"…though making such claims. In view of volumous reports and research that identify the risks and consequences of divorce, the children remain the most victimized but least considered — in large part because of unlateral divorce and the community that profits from divorce and child-custody conflict.
I'll refrain to offer too much on the court's treatment of men except to say that, in many cases, a man usually loses his rights to be parent (or is regulated by the State…without parental authority) — even though he has not done anything legallly or matrimonially wrong.
Unilateral divorce has diluted marriage: a covenant or contract reduced to an arrangement of convenience at the expense of the children.
A Once and Always Father
The key here is "outdated ideology." The entire social engineering industry ("progressive" policy eggheads, professors and top-down bureaucratic types) is hopelessly notalgic: stuck in the 19th century with its simple-minded notions of the pseudo-science of social determinism.
Fatherlessness (including paternal presence but with paternal indifference: bad-but-present-dads) lowers the standard of living of children. Standard of living — contrary to egghead opinion — cannot be measured in terms of dollar amounts of goods and services consumed. Many children in the world live in what smug superior types call "poverty" and have a very high standard of living while many "successful" parents with "careers" who spend lots of money raise children who end up with emotional problems that lead to promiscuity, alcohol and drug abuse, while collar crimes, and confused identities — is a low standard of living.
My story is very similar to Gino's above. For many years my ex and the courts did everything to limit my time with my sons. I had very little time in their daily lives, limited phone contract, and no input into their education. For years 2 of my 3 sons struggled with grades and high absents from classes and low self-esteem. My oldest son skipped classes, refused to do homework or work with the teachers. He often stated he saw no reason to continue in school. Last year my ex tried to limit my involvement even further. I thank God I found a judge that listened to me and my sons. He lifted many of the restrictions and doubled my time with my sons (46% at present). During the past year I have been very involved with all my son's education, teachers, homework, and progress. As a result both my son's raised their grades. My oldest son went from straight Fs to Bs and Cs in 1 year, his attitude improved and self-esteem raised. For the first time in years he showed interest in school, and told me he wants to do better next year. I praise all the people helping fathers get equal time with their children. I know for a fact time with fathers can make a difference.
I had my Daughter taken away from me in the court system. My ex wife got a restraining order against me and took all my right away. The restraining order was found to baseless but i did not get any my right back. I find when i tell people that i had my daughter forcefully taken away they say that really bad but she with the mother right. Why would it matter she is with the mother i am the father who should have the same rights but we do not as father.
The courts are very biased against fathers. My wife and I have been fighting my ex and the abuse in the court system for three years. My ex has never worked and my child support was a way of life for she and my daughter. My ex has recently told me my oldest daughter that I am not her father to sever our relationship and it worked. My oldest daughter no longer speaks to me. She is grown and has three sons that I never get to see. My youngest daughter will not speak to me because I am fighting the courts order for indefinite child support. My youngest daughter graduated high school and worked at the public library, but according to MHMR she has suddenly become "Mildly Retarded", imagine that. Thus, indefinite child support. The Texas Court systems need an enema and I think we should start with the Attorney General's office. I have recently discovered that child support collected earns the AG office Federal Tax Dollars to put in their budget. So, they go after the one parent that has usually always had a job, Dad! No thought to the damage done to the children, no thought about anything but the almightly dollar. Guys write your Governor, write your Congressman, search the web-sites for special interest groups that fight for fathers rights in Congress. Change must happen, for the children, for the economy, for the fathers, etc. Father's rights need another TEA Party!
Walter
Thanks Dr. Finley!
Like many thousands if not millions of dads I lost my fundamental right to be a father because of false allegations of domestic violence in Miami, Florida.
I am still litigating it as best as I can. I have repeatedly told the courts that my litigation is dedicated to my two sons (8 and 5). One day they will grow and they will see what their dad did for them.
Let's not give up.
Let's bring about change.
Let's unite.
I propose that future husbands be required to learn about custody, child support, alimony and domestic violence before a marriage license is issued. : )
This is a fantastic piece of research. It's great to see someone not only taking father's rights seriously, but putting the research out there that shows they are as essential to the well-being and mental health of children as mothers. Children need both parents in their life and it should be a right that is enforced in court. Sadly, as the comments demonstrate, the family courts (and much of the media) still exhibit a huge bias in favour of the mother and fail to enforce the rights of father, which in are the really the rights of children to have both parents.
My own son was abducted and taken to Greece in February of this year by his mother (and that is only the last act in a series that put my estranged wife's interest ahead of my son's). I have not had any contact with him since he was abducted. Parental abduction is a felony and is recognised by psychologists as an insidious form of child abuse. However, I have encountered a number of people that tell me not to worry because he is with his mother. I also face an uphill battle in trying to get him back to his home in the US, because of huge bias in the Greek courts towards mothers. At no point have these people questioned how his mother could be acting in his best interests by denying him access to his father or how he will be affected by being removed so abruptly from everything he knew. Gender is no indication of good mental health or good intent towards children, and yet the assumption is a mother is always acting in the best interest of her children. In my case, and in the cases highlighted in other comments, it is clear that this is not always the case.
I have no issue with mothers — my own was fantastic but so was my dad. I just wish men were seen as capable of the same love and affection towards children as women are. Not for the sake of men but for the sake of their children.
Phil
Very interesting work. In reading the respones to this study, it is amazing how many stories tell of the mother of the child kidnapping the child away from the father, telling lies to the child regarding their father, etc. I am not sure the role the Mother really has in how well children of divorce eventually adjust, but I'll bet research in this area will not bode well for women. Please let me be clear: men have their issues, too, in buidling and maintaining relationships. Howver, lets be very, very real here,: women rule the home, their husbands and their family. Over the past year and a half, I have had conversations with two adults, both of whom living with and taking care of their elderly widowed mothers. Both people, on days when their caregiving burdens were just too much to bear, blurted out to me that all of these years, they had always blamed their fathers for the issues in their households while growing up, and now they realized it was their mothers who were the source of many, many , many problems. Because boys grow up with the women in their lives curbing their aggressive tendencies, men repress and, to keep peace, basically, "yes, dear" their relationships with with their wives. And women know men do this, and will take advantage at every turn to get what they want, including making their husbands look bad to their kids and everyone in the outside world. I hope studies like this shed more light on the role men and fathers should and do play, and men need to do so for their children, and even more so, for themselves.
I find it amazing that in this country the media is more concerned about gay rights and the rights of gays adopting children then the rights of fathers involved in their childrens lives. Ironic enough that the children suffer at the hands of polititions and the courts inability to make the right decisions and premote pro family laws.
Until the laws are changed, and states no longer recieve millions of Federal incentive dollars for the collection of child support, fathers will continue to be forced out of their children's lives. In almost all cases the person making the most money (usually the father) is relegated to non-custodial status. Once that occurs the state can move in and force the non-custodial parent to pay the other parent "child support". The states benefit directly by the amount of child support collected, and the less time the non-custodial parent has with the child the more money they have to pay in child support, and the bigger the payoff is for the state. The states have a financial incentive for seperating children from fit, willing and loving parents.
Guess where these federal incentive dollars come from? The social security fund. All the hoopla about how social security will run out before most of us retire, yet that money (money that we must pay out of our paychecks) is being used to fund the forceful seperation of children from their fathers. Millions of dollars a year are paid to the states for the collection of child support.
Follow the money people – hold your state governor, senators, and representatives accountable for what they are doing to children in this country. They're using our money to take away our children. It must be stopped.
Heidi's comments are right-on; the federal government's child support "model" is a driver of the divorce industry; it enables states to generate revenue through collections and federal subsidies. Remember the axiom, "Anything the governement subsidizes; you get more of it."
Take this model with No-Fault Divorce law and what do you get? Lawlessness in family law…and an industry that fleeces the American family under the auspices of justice and individual rights.
It is a nasty business (an industry) that will make platitudes of "the best interest of the children", while in truth, ignoring the social statistics that victimize the children during and post-divorce.
In its essense, this industry is the product of greed…at the expense of the family!
As a mother and father supporting a son who has been unjustly estranged from his young daughter by his ex- partner it is saddening and frustrating to watch the next generations being torn apart by such selfishness. But what is worse is the blatant injustice ofit and the obvious destruction of society as we knew it. It is impossible to believe that men involved within the family law system who are also affected personally are not campaigning and using their position and power to change such discrimination. I only hope that the world can turn this huge mistake around before the whole of civilised society is destroyed forever.